I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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