Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
