woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Green mimosas i think yes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
