I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
