What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
