So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The feeling are messing with the penis
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
