I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize