I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
