Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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