Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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