i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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