Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
