I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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