bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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