I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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