It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
