Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
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I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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