Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
