i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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