I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
