Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
