I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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