there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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