hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
