you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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