Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
