great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
