remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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