Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
