and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
