You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
