I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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