he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
