I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
