guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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