Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
