meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
