You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
