I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
