were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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