We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
