we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
