I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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