sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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