He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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