Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
