i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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