Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
