What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
