And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had sex on a roof
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
