Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
