I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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