She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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