I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize