So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
