the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I supernannyed him into submission
A+ Viking dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
